Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
