ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
