I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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