1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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