they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you had me at cake vodka
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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