I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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