this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
