She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
