his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
