theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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