cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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