I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
