I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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