I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Send help, water and tortillas.
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