Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
