Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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