Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
