You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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