Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
