I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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