I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
