I am in a vortex of obligation.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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