I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You made out with two different species that night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
