having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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