I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
