My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
