You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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