Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
