ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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