hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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