Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
