You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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