pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
