i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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