Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
