I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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