I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
