the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
40s are totally the cure
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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