CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
