Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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