Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
