i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
