...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
