So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
