I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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