tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
