I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
