my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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