hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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