I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
