I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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