No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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