Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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