piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it's like iHOP with fire
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize