Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
