Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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