You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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