I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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