He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He better not be in your backpack
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
