No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
