are you still at the devil's house?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Im part way to drunk.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
