I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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