I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
