You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
