He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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