Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All the doctor said was why
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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