i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
