laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
