2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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