Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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