I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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