Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
