plz talk dirty to me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
