Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
