Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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