the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
