I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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