She said her name was "party"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
