I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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