he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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