so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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